Life is a Mystery

Four years ago I thought I had a pretty good picture of what the next 5 to 10 years looked like.  Don and I were in our last years of work and had a pretty good idea what our retirement years looked like.  Both of our daughters were on the brink of starting their careers and they were both in love with the men that we felt they would marry and have families with.  We knew our youngest daughter, Marah, had a dream to move out to LA and to be honest that was our only question mark.  We knew this had been her dream since high school but she was now in love with someone who wasn’t ready to make that move yet.  Would she stay back with him or would she go it alone.  I could picture either scenario so I wasn’t too worried.  Maddie had found a “local” boy and even though they both talked about moving elsewhere I had the feeling they would stick around near family.

You would think that I would have learned my lesson about the future and not being too confident about what it was going to be like.  There have been many times in my life that I thought I had a pretty good sense as to what was to come and then life gave me something I wasn’t expecting and it changed my world.  The first time was the summer before I was going into high school.  I was excited and scared just as most soon to be freshmen are but I thought I had a good sense of what high school was going to be like and then the first day came. . .toward the end of my school day my parents and brother came to school to let me know that my sister had died.  High school and the rest of my life were nothing that I had envisioned that day forward.

A few years later, I was in college, having the time of my life.  I had not really dealt with my grief but college was a great distraction.  Again, I saw the next few years filled with unlimited possibilities.  I was full of excitement and energy . . . then when I came home for Thanksgiving Break during my sophomore year my dad was having a biopsy on a tumor in his lung.  He was gone 9 months later.  My world was rocked to its core.  Absolutely nothing that I had pictured for my life including my dad walking me down the aisle was falling into place.

Several years later I was married, had my beautiful daughters, and a successful career.  I again got too confident of what was ahead.  After having some blood in his urine my husband discovered that he not only had a spot on his bladder but also on his kidney.  My mind automatically went to the worst scenario and I thought I was going to be left alone to raise my girls but fortunately this story had a positive ending. . . my husband recovered and is still doing well today.  However, that diagnosis changed him and us as a couple for the rest of our lives.

All of these events I will talk more about in depth in future blogs and how they shaped me as a person but for this writing I am sharing them to show the pattern that I and I think many others form in their lives–always believing that life is going to turn out exactly as you planned.  Always looking to the future instead of appreciating and being present with what is right in front of you right now.  Always waiting for that next stage of life thinking it is going to be better than what is happening right now.  Waiting for your license, first job, getting married, kids, retirement. etc.

I made this same mistake four years ago when I started growing my hair long so I could put it up for the wedding I was sure was going to happen.  When I started my friendship with two people that I thought I would be sharing grandparent duty with.  When I opened my heart to this wonderful man who made my daughter deliriously happy.  When I pictured all the dinners and nights out that we were going to spend as two couples living in downtown Milwaukee.  Today. . .none of that is happening and now my daughter, who I thought was my homebody, is going to move away from me to heal herself and to start her next chapter.

My life today is nothing that I had pictured four years ago.  I am not saying that we should not hope, believe and dream about the future.  And I am certainly not saying that we should walk around expecting the worst to happen. . .that is no way to live and the way that I did live for several years of my life.  However, instead of focusing on the future and what it looks like I am trying to just look a few feet in front of me.  Enjoy life for what it is right now because we have no idea what tomorrow, next week, next month. . . looks like.  Life is a mystery and there is no way to predict the future so appreciate all that is in front of you today.  The future will happen, some really good things and some horribly tragic things will happen.  So grab a hold of today no matter if these are good times or bad times for you, look for the good.  Show and feel gratitude because there is always something to be grateful for.

There is a song that always reminds me of this.  Here is a link to that song.

You’re Going to Miss This

If you feel like sharing, I would love to hear what you are grateful for today.  I am grateful for both of my daughters’ careers.  They are killing it!!!  Not only are they doing great work but they are not settling.  They are looking for work life balance and purpose in their work and if they are not getting that, they are not afraid to search for it.