Why would one put their thoughts and life experiences out there for all to see?

Why. . .Why. . .why.  Why did I set a New Year’s Resolution to start writing again?  And why would I put my writing out there for all to see??

Well, first let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions.  I really don’t want to call this a resolution because as we all know most people don’t stick to New Year’s Resolutions.  I just read an article in Forbes Health that discussed the percentage of people who make resolutions and how long they actually last.  I didn’t realize there was actually an unofficial date that commemorates people quitting their resolutions–January 17–it’s called “Ditch New Year’s Resolutions Day”!

Here is a link to the article if you would like to read it:  New Year’s Resolutions Statistics 2024

The reason I don’t want to call it a resolution is because I am and always have been a huge procrastinator.  Work or personal life.  I will put off the simplest task and there is always a deadline in which if the task has not been attempted by then it definitely goes to the next hour, next day, week, month.  I am notorious for any workout or diet program I have started that if I don’t start on Monday well then the week is done and might as well wait until the following Monday to try again!

Since it is already February–if I call starting to write again a resolution then I haven’t started yet so I might as well wait until next year to try to pick up writing again!  No!  I don’t want to wait until next year.  I really want to start writing again and I am not going to let the date, time, month, year stop me from starting.

So let’s dump the New Year’s Resolution and say that my goal this year is to begin writing again and continue to write on a regular basis throughout the year.  That sounds vague enough that any procrastinator–including myself can keep up with.

So now let me talk about the writing “again”.  Many people who know me probably don’t know my joy of writing.  I think I have even forgotten the joy and peace I get out of writing.  When I was young (teenager), I wrote a lot of poetry.  Now, I want to preface this by saying I don’t consider myself a good writer or a good poet (lack of self-esteem might be a future post topic!).  Writing poems during my teenage years just helped me get my thoughts and feelings out and I truly believe it helped me get through some very difficult times in my life.  Then, in college,  I was “forced” to write quite a bit for my major and specifically in a composition class.  I really enjoyed writing assignments and that composition class was probably my favorite class in college.  Okay. . my 1 credit volleyball class during winter interim was pretty fun.  

Once again, I found this writing to be very therapeutic as I was going through significant loss at a young age.  Back then, therapy and mental health were not discussed a lot, especially not in my family.  Even if it was, I am not sure that I would have had the emotional intelligence back then to take part in therapy, which makes it completely ironic that I became a school counselor.  I don’t even think I knew back then how my poems, stories, essays, journals really helped me.

I don’t know when I stopped writing or why but recently I became re-introduced to the benefits of writing.  First, through my job.  At the end of my career, I was working with at-risk youth.  During my work with my students I attempted to get them to do some journal writing.  Again, it was a huge fail.  Many of them did not pick up a pencil.  However, I modeled and would write when I asked them to write and there were a few students who would participate and for them and for myself it really helped.  I almost instantly was brought back to my childhood bedroom writing down my thoughts and feelings and felt my mind and heart opening up in a way that is so needed to really get all that you need out of this life.  I was also inspired by my oldest daughter who has put her heart out in words so many times in the past few years as she experiences a very difficult time in her life.  She reminds me of myself in many ways but when I read her words I again remembered how much writing helped me through some tough years and I began to wonder why I stopped.

Then, a year or so ago I finally decided to follow my own advice and began to see a therapist.  It didn’t last long.  Again, I did not follow my own advice and research enough to find a therapist that I think matched what I needed and I did not give it the time that a therapeutic relationship needs.  The main reason I stopped going to therapy is I found that I wasn’t getting much out of the sessions themselves but when I would get home I would write about what we discussed and that is where I felt some peace and relief.  Just purging my soul out on the paper was such a great emotional release for me.  Even as I am typing these words, I feel something that is hard to describe but it feels good.  And I need to feel that. . so I am going to begin to write again!

So why don’t you just write for yourself Jill.  Just write a journal and get your thoughts out for yourself.  Well. . I also appreciate community and helping others.  I am 6 months into my retirement.  I am enjoying every minute of it but I still love communicating, talking, listening, expressing myself and hopefully helping others.  I think informally publishing my writing will help me continue what I enjoyed most about my career–connecting with others.

So here it goes. . .wish me luck!