I never had a problem with a Christmas hangover. By the time Christmas was over I was pretty much over it and I always looked forward to New Years Eve and our annual card game with our friends and my cousin Mary. Going back to work after break was a bummer but then my birthday was a couple of weeks away and NFL playoffs would start so I could easily get through January. We won’t talk about February. . .
However, now times are different. I have two daughters who live miles away and Mary is gone so our New Year’s celebration has a bit of a cloud over it for the time being. A week ago, I was so excited anticipating the girls coming into town. Our granddog Maizy had been visiting us since Thanksgiving and she always brings a spark to our household. Even our old lady dogs seemed to tolerate Maizy much better this visit. I had all the girls’ gifts wrapped under the tree. Don had just gone to the grocery store to buy all the girls’ favorites (except we forgot the Ranch dressing–how does that happen!!!???) so the refrigerator was packed so tight. From the moment they walk in the door our small apartment feels like home unlike it does the other 11 months of the year. All four of us are under the same roof which normally does not happen very often. This year, due to Maddie’s marathon and our new tradition of a family trip that all coincided in the fall we actually were under the same roof quite a bit during the fall but not in Milwaukee, not in our home. When we visit the girls we often are out and about seeing new places in their cities. When they come home we also try to plan some activities but a lot of the time is spent just being. Being with each other, laughing, making fun of each other, catching up on our lives and renewing our family bond that we work very hard to keep strong no matter what the miles are (and of course Marah and I doing puzzles!)
That was a week ago and it seems like just yesterday. Now, all the gifts have been unwrapped, returns made, most of the food has been eaten, two puzzles have been completed, documentaries and movies have been watched and we just got back from dropping the girls and Maizy off at the airport and I could not feel more sad. How did that week go by so fast? I walked in the door and Maizy did not come running to greet me, Maddie wasn’t on the couch reading her book, Marah wasn’t trying to beat her time for completing a puzzle and it all just felt so empty and lonely.
Don’t get me wrong. The four of us could never live together ever again. There really would not be any survivors and a week is probably the max at this point without having a wounded party. But there really is something to be said about having everyone home under one roof and I appreciate that more than ever now that they are miles away. It just doesn’t happen that often anymore. A statistic that every new parent should know about their life with their child is this: By the time a child turns 18, parents have typically spent 90% or more of their total lifetime in-person time with them, with a significant chunk (around 75%) happening before age 12.
No one told me that while I was cooking, cleaning, running from gym to gym, etc. You think you will have your entire lives to spend with these incredible human beings that you made and raised but then you are moving them across the country and yes, there are visits to great cities with much better climates than Wisconsin and there is Facetiming (thank goodness for this!) but it is just never the same and I failed to read that in any chapter of “What to Expect when you are Expecting?”
My brain knows this is what is supposed to happen and as Michelle Obama always reminded us we are raising adults not children. The goal is that they get out there in life and thrive and my two girls are doing just that. Whenever I complain about them living so far away or voice my jealousy of friends whose children live in town, Don always talks about how proud he is of our girls breaking out of their bubbles and exploring other parts of the country. Again, my brain gets all of that and I do see how much they have grown.
But my heart. . .that is an entirely different story so I have deemed this day the worst day of the year. The day Christmas really ends and I have to mourn not seeing my girls and granddogs for months. Hopefully a week in Cabo for my birthday will cure this Christmas Hangover.
8 responses to “The Worst Day of the Year”
Hugs to you, Jill! This one strikes a chord! We have always been just a couple years behind you. As I prepare to send my oldest out of the country and before too long, my youngest out of state, I am hanging on to every last ounce of this Christmas season. I know that things are changing before my eyes, and it is exciting…and I cling to these moments under 1 roof because they are so special!
Thank you for reading and your response Susan! Like I said in my blog–all the parenting books in the world cannot prepare you for this rollercoaster of a ride being a parent. You are heading into a big transitional period of your life. Take that time to reflect, appreciate, and definitely give yourself that pat on the back that we don’t always do. We did a good job! Raising kids is not easy and you and your husband have done an exceptional job. It doesn’t end when they leave but it is certainly a different role than you have been used to. Hope you had a wonderful holiday season and than you for continuing to get my husband out of the house and bringing home some money! 🙂
I just got back from playing with the Monday night card group and sat down to read this and what a good read. There is always mention of Mary at cards, missing her comments and sometimes some really good stories. I was thinking alot of her today and feeling sad also. Bob and I often talk about how fortunate we are our girls are close, I can understand your situation being difficult, but you have such amazing daughter I can’t imagine you can only beem ear to ear when you think of them. Mary use to tells us about what wonderful young women you were raising. Raising adults not children is so true, we need more parent to follow that. Hope your sorrow passes soon and you enjoy every part of your wonderful life. Love Colette
What a wonderful message Colette! Thank you and please say hi to the card gang. I think of you guys often and know how much you all miss her. Thank you also for the memory of Mary’s comments about our girls-she really loved them and was impressed with them. I do have a wonderful life and am so lucky and I will focus on the time spent together instead of the time spent apart. Hope all is well with you and Bob and your family.
Thinking of you Jill – sending the warmest hugs. Looking forward to seeing you soon to ring in the new year! ❤️
So great spending the New Year with your family! Always a fun night and Mary would love that we continue with the fun and laughter during this holiday. Thanks for hosting once again. Love you my friend!
Ahhhh, the cycles of life. Here I am , 20 years your senior and know that this too is my future. The oldest GRANDAUGHTER is looking at colleges, and another one is not far behind. The dynamics in my life will again change soon. Am not looking forward to the shifts. Hugs and love to you, Jill!
Oh Mary, I often wonder as I am in tears saying good-bye to my granddogs-how am I ever going to do this when I have grandkids!!!??? I saw a great post the other day that describes the loneliness felt after the holidays is due to all the love that is felt when family is together. This is so true and we have to try to focus on living that life of gratitude and use our time being grateful for all the love and not focus on the time apart. Hugs and love right back at you!