Anniversary Card for My Husband

Why am I sharing a personal message to my husband with all of you?  My hope is that men will understand that menopause is not just a women’s issue and that they can and should be a part of making menopause something that women don’t just survive but thrive through.

Did you know that divorce rates are rising for older couples.  Some studies are linking these rising rates to menopause.  Not that menopause is causing divorce but when women begin going through perimenopause or menopause it may make them unable to tolerate problems that they have ignored.  I also believe that like any other health issue, partners need to assist and be there for their partner as they navigate the issue and treatment plans.  If a woman is not willing to open up to their partner or their partner is not willing to educate themself and learn ways to support and assist a woman as they deal with this life altering health issue, relationships can surely break down.  Here is an article that discusses this new trend of “menodivorce”.

All men need to educate themselves and be an advocate for the women in their lives, whether it is your partner, mother, sister, friend, etc.  I have to say one of the most heart warming things as I began my blogs about menopause was my brother’s comments on how brave I was to write about what I was going through and his willingness to listen to my concerns.  We talked a lot about our mom and how much she must have struggled without really knowing what was going on with her and attributing it all to my dad’s death.  His willingness and openness to hear my concerns added to my faith in men because let’s be honest there are some men in this world today who are disappointing us on a regular basis!

Which leads me to my anniversary card.  I do not want to take away all the work and education I have done for myself.  I know I have done the work and I have been very brave to make some appointments and changes in my life that in the past I would have pushed to the side and just dealt with.  However, I cannot ignore Don’s role during this past year.  If you remember from a past blog, I described one of my turning points last year was that hike up to Griffin Observatory.  Don and I have never discussed what was going through his mind that day but I am sure he thought I was losing it (in all honesty I was losing it!) and Don, being the fixer he is, had no idea how to fix this.

Throughout this past year he has done nothing but support me and cheer me on as I began to figure things out.  I remember when I wanted to go to Alyson, my midwife, and it was not going to be covered by insurance he did not even blink at the thought of us spending that money to help me get some answers to what I was going through.  When I started a new way of eating to help with hormonal imbalances, weight loss, and muscle gain, he ate the food right with me.  He needed to supplement along the way but not only did he not complain, he complemented a lot of the food we ate.  When I needed to go down to the gym before we could do the many activities he planned for the day, he waited patiently.  He also motivated me by going on long bike rides with me during the summer.  Every time I listened to a new podcast or read a new article or book he listened to me endlessly talk about everything I was learning and was genuinely interested and concerned in what I was saying.  Sometimes I would share the podcasts or read him the articles (as my family knows I love to read out loud!!!) and he would be a fully engaged participant.  He shared in my disappointment that the medical field needs to do more for women.  Each time I reached a milestone, whether it was finally sleeping through the night again, losing pounds/inches, becoming an active 50 year old, crying when I came home from shopping and finally enjoying trying on clothes again, etc. he celebrated with me and continued to tell me how proud he was of me.  He topped it off with an incredible Christmas ornament for St. Nick’s this year that said “she believed she could so she worked her f*cking ass off and she did”  I cried when I saw this!

Again, I want to be careful because when Don became a dad my mom gave him all these accolades for all he was doing.  It was what he and every dad should do but I understand that her generation did not have the help in raising children as we did (however, she also did not work full time as I did!)–that is an entirely different blog! I just want to note that when your partner is struggling with a health issue you should be there and support them.  Believe me I have been there for Don through numerous health issues.  I believe the vow is in sickness and health.  However, as we celebrate our 32nd anniversary I want to acknowledge that this was a journey he has taken with me and I am forever grateful that we have created a relationship in which we see each other through thick and thin and are each other’s number one cheerleaders in life.  I felt that more than ever this year.  I love you Don!

For those men out there who want to learn more and be there for the women in your life here is a great starting article for you.  A Man’s Guide to Menopause: Understanding and Supporting Her Journey