No Place Like Home

I have been thinking about the word Home quite a bit lately.  

Recently, I saw a show down in Chicago called The Choir of Man.  I believe it is playing in Chicago until the end of July.  I highly recommend it.  See trailer below for a preview.  It is music and dancing but what made it more special for me was the spoken word monologues in between the songs.  There was one monologue in which they discussed home and what home means to each of the characters in the production.  It was so moving and really made me start to think about what “home” means to me and what it may mean to my girls.

The Choir of Man Trailer

In just over a month, Don and I will be living downtown for 6 years!  I remember how sad Maddie was that we were selling her childhood home.  She still says that if it goes up for sale one day she would buy it!

With both of our girls living hundreds of miles away from us, I wonder what they consider “home”.  I always want them to consider Wisconsin “home” or do I???  Don’t I want them to feel like their new cities are their home???

Then of all places this last week I was watching my soap opera–yes, I still watch a soap opera.  It is a soap opera that my mom and I watched together and I have vowed to continue to watch it until it goes off the air (It just got renewed for four more seasons!)  Why am I explaining myself!?!?  My name is Jill and I watch a soap opera!

Anyways, two characters were talking about home and the one character defined it as “something constant, something you can count on, a place you can recharge, be yourself” and similar to The Choir of Man they discussed that home is not necessarily a place but a feeling.

I continue to struggle with the thought that we took our girls’ “home” away from them–a constant, something you can count on.  Don and I really don’t know where we are going to be living once our current lease runs out so our girls do not have a constant or something they can count on.  But as I move from home being a place and more to a feeling.  I know that WE are their constant and WE are what they can count on.

In the Choir of Man, they addressed each character and what gives them that feeling of home and I began to think of what gave/gives me that feeling of home.  I realized that this has changed throughout my life so I went back to each stage of my life to remember what felt like home during those stages:

Childhood:  

Seeing my dog on top of the couch looking out the window as I would walk home from the bus stop after school

Smelling dinner as I walked through the doors after school or practice

Watching my parents sit under the tree in our back yard with their “happy hour” drinks that my mom would have made as soon as my dad got home from work.  They would sit under that tree each day❤️

Hearing my dad’s voice in the stands at my volleyball games

College and Early Adult:

I found this stage of my life more difficult to remember things that felt like home, felt like a constant.  As I struggled, I realized that this was a time of life that I probably felt the most unsure about life.  Mostly due to my dad’s death.  He was so much of what I considered my “home” and nothing felt constant anymore.

What kept coming to my mind about these years was my friend, Sue.  

Her laugh is a laugh like no other. 

Singing into our curling irons as we got ready to go out.

Dancing at Molly’s

Playing Volleyball

She was my home during those years.  She was my escape/refuge.  Her friendship got me through one of the most difficult times in my life.  She was my home, when my home turned into a very uncertain place.

Family Life:

Sitting on the deck by our pool

Hearing the girls bickering back and forth

Watching one of the girls made up dance routines

Creating birthday signs for each other

Having a yard/house full of people on the 4th of July and Christmas Eve 

Watching movies in the basement with the lights off and bowls of popcorn in our laps

Watching the fireworks in our front yard

Putting up the Christmas tree (complaining and all!)

Currently, I would say anytime the four of us are together no matter where we are feels like home.  However, I have to say for the last 33 years of my life there is one person who is my home and that is Don.  He is my constant.  He is my safe place.  He is the person who sees my true authentic self more than any other.  

So no matter where this life takes us or the girls I do feel more assured that it doesn’t matter where we are living because “home” will always be FELT.  It is not a structure, or a city or state.  It is those people and feelings that make you feel secure, allow you to be yourself, and fill your heart with love and joy.

Once again, I would love to hear who or what makes you feel home.